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ET Homepage Composite

Composite image of the homepage. Scrolling through it reveals an insane length, attrocious design and irrelevant content.

In 2010, Norman Boutin created a website to promote Empress Theresa.

Content Edit

The strangest of all places about Empress Theresa is the Yahoo hosted webpage.[1] It’s reminiscent of the days of “Time Cube” and looks like something someone built as they were just learning HTML or JAVA. Almost all of it is written in bold Times New Roman, varying chaotically in size and color. On the first page alone, Boutin used the colors brown, red, lime, dark green, blue, purple and dark pink to write. As well as being a long run of text that spans many pages of nonsensical ramblings about the many virtues of the book or ravings about his enemies.

It bears a copyright of 2010, which most likely means that after it was originally built, he never touched the code for it again. This can easily be seen if one examines the JAVA source code. Where a large number of Dev-notes, the kind associated with demo or instruction code, can be found. Whether this is due to it being Yahoo stock code or something he incorporated has yet to be determined.

It seems to have recently turned into a place where he can come and complain about how mean and horrible the internet is toward him. A safe-space where nobody can point out the obvious contradict anything he says.

Loves him some Jesus: Edit

The website, more than anywhere else, is where the book's very clear and obnoxious religious message can be seen. As literally the first sentence of the "Study Guide" begins with, "We're lost in this confusing world unless we follow the directions of its Maker." This, despite the constant denial of the author, is a rather obvious tip of the hat to a certain religion, especially since Mary Sue herself is so Catholic that even the pope thinks she should tone it down a bit.

A large smattering of scripture is pasted about in many of the rantings, usually in the most annoying and condescending way possible. Such as when we hear about how Theresa is such a great gal, or why we all need to bend the knee to a higher power because we're weak simpletons.

Style Edit

The text of the site is crammed into a thin column at the center of the page. A column that cannot be adjusted in any way. There have been several hypotheses' postulated about why this is. It could be due to Norman using a computer built around the height of the Roman Empire and the resolution makes it look just fine to him. Since he seems to use Linux (Discovered during a scan of his IP address), that could also be causing a resolution problem. However, the most plausible reason to date, is that he's an incompetent know-it-all who can't do any better and thinks it looks just fine.

As stated above, each page of the site is nothing more than a diatribe of multicolored, seizure-inducing nightmare-fuel. The poor man seems to add whatever thought entered his head that day without taking any note as to what font he's using. It ranges in size, color, and even type from paragraph to paragraph which makes it look more like a ransom letter than an author's informative website.

The Crazy Edit

In true Norman fashion, the site plays host to a variety of things. The oddest of which is a review of Empress Theresa... by the author... Norman Boutin... I kid you not.[2] The page, and all the others, to be honest, is essentially a rant about how fantastic his work is and why anyone who doesn't think so is of the lower classes. [In a website update in late July or early August of 2019, the "Author's Review" page was removed. The link has been updated to an archived version, for posterity.]

It's chock full of his own made-up fantasy people praising each-other and the book. Not since the early days of Ron Jeremy, have we seen someone blow themselves with as much energy and non-subtlety as seen here.

There is also a Study Guide,[3] for whatever reason, that is less of a guide and more of an example on how to weaponize stupidity.

References Edit

  1. http://empresstheresa.com/home
  2. https://web.archive.org/web/20181202065714/http://www.empresstheresa.com/authors_review
  3. http://empresstheresa.com/study_guide
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